Black Men Loving Black Men Part 2

"I was told the true definition of a man was to never cry
Work till you tired (yeah) got to provide (yeah)
Always be the rock for my fam, protect them by all means...

I was always taught to be strong
never let them think you care at all
Let know one get close to me...." - Musiq Soulchild, Teachme

What these lyrics from Musiq Soulchild's song Teachme have to do with black LGBT activist Joseph Beam's words, "black men loving black men is the revolutionary act?" Musiq is singing about the American societal construction of manhood, with a special emphasis on what it means to be a black man: "never cry," "work... to provide," "be the rock for my fam, protect them." These are heavy burdens for anyone (any person) to live up to - regardless of one's gender, sexual orientation, class, race, or any other aspect to their identity. In the second verse, Musiq speaks to the presentation of manhood in the public and domestic spheres: "be strong," "never let them think you care," "let [no one] get close." In this construction of manhood, there is no space for men to express the emotions associated with their imposed burdens, lament, or to be vulnerable.

Joesph Beam's words are a call to create spaces in which black men may be vulnerable to one another. Beam recognizes that there is support and power in the recognition and acknowledgment of a shared experience of toil. Moreover, although Beam is orientated in the particular experience of a gay black man, his words are not about sex; they are about love. "Black men loving black men" is about all different types of love: the love between father and son, between brothers or cousins, between uncles and nephews, between friends, and yes also between two male lovers. I have personally experienced all of these bonds/loves with the exception of the last; however, I stand with those who are privileged to have such a bond. The love here is not sexual love, but a love of self and one's identity. As black men, our self-love - appreciation for one another and our shared, collective experience - in the public sphere as been and still is distorted. As slaves, our love for one another was distorted by the distinction between house slave and field slave. During Jim Crow and Segregation, our love was distorted by the distinction between light and dark skin. And during the Black Power Movement, perhaps the worst of all, we were told that we had "to be strong black men," while we relegated our female partners to the domestic sphere and rendered their particular experience invisible - misplaced love.

But all this happened before I was born. In 2011, I have to negotiate my manhood and self-love in relation to the popular media images presented in the public sphere. Can't be a minstrel show like Flavor Flav, but I can't be threatening like a 50 Cent. Need to be athletic like Lebron, but not confident/arrogant like T.O. This constant negotiation of black manhood is tiring and a constant performance. What Beam wants [and what I want] is a space in which black men can appreciate each other's shared experience concerning this weariness. If we want society to stop having these expectations and stereotypes of ourselves, it has to start from within. I realize that not every black male experience is unique as we are each individuals and that is the one of the central purposes of "black men loving black men" - a recognition of ourselves as individuals and not stereotypes. I'm talking about a space in which we can see each other not as "the athlete," "the rapper," or even "strong (all the time)" but as human - and to love someone, is to recognize their humanity.

One more thing: I'm heterosexual, but as I said before, I stand with everyone who stands for love.

Happy Valentine's Day.